I am going on an adventure. I don’t know how long I will be
gone – I think it may take a long time, but also not as long as you may think.
You see, I am going on an adventure into my subconscious.
I have been thinking about this adventure for a very long
time. But I have kept putting off my start date, so that I could make Plans.
These Plans have involved schedules and lists – oh, so many lists – reading
about others’ adventures, and lots of preparations and learning of skills.
After all, when you are about to abseil into the unknown, unknowable,
unconscious of your mind, it helps to know about knots, and ropes, and those
metal carabiner clips that help you clip on your harness to the safety line.
But today my friend called bullshit on all my brilliant
preparations. She suggested that, maybe, just maybe, all I really needed was
the courage to begin. Although she did also offer to lend me her handkerchief
for the journey… something about how tears and laughter are always an
inevitable part of any adventure. I am inclined to listen to her.
This friend, you see, is quite wise. She is a little monster
that I met when I inadvertently took the first step (well, maybe it was a
stumble…) into my psyche today. I was doing some gentle excavations in my Self
for a writing course that I have just started, which may be yet another delaying tactic, but it may also be more
of a jumpstart than I had anticipated. I mistakenly unearthed the opening to
the Abyss that I have always feared, and fell down into the first level of my
subconscious, just catching hold of the ledge with my fingernails. Much to my
surprise, I came face-to-face with my little monster friend, who was as taken
aback as I was by my trespassing. In fact, she burst into tears in fear and
anguish. She was so afraid of my appearance that her anxiety opened my heart
enough for me to be able to feel her pain and sadness. And so, on instinct, I
reached out to this little wounded animal and stroked her fur. I am a vet, you
see, and I know all about helping wounded creatures. In fact, you could say it
is a calling of mine.
In response, she started to sing, and her song was beautiful
– heartbreakingly, bone-crushingly beautiful. So much so that I forgot to be
afraid and repulsed by her monsterness, and was lost in love for her. For
really, as you may have already guessed, my little Monsterfriend is really just
a piece of me. And she is beautiful, because, of course, any creature that is
loved, is made beautiful by that love.
So we are heading out on our adventure together, with only
her handkerchief in our pack. We’ll be ready for the tears and laughter, if
nothing else.
